Castleuk’s Blog

Imprisonment corrupted me. Many times I doubted God’s goodness. I became proud, bitter, cynical, impatient and temperamental. My bad attitude always got  me in trouble with the more senior inmates.

I developed many vices. I smoked at least three packs of cigarettes a day. I whiled away my time gambling. Whenever someone smuggled in some liquor, I drank to my heart’s desire. I wallowed in the suffering and allowed my weakness to rule my life. Unknown to my family outside, I was already self-destructing. Every time my family visited me, I hid behind a facade of strength to assure them that I was all right. But deep inside, the suffering was unbearable. Or so I thought.

Life in detention was no joke. My only source of relief then was being in the company of men who shared my ideals. Together, we suffered the indignities of being treated like common criminals. For months, I seethed with anger, hatred and bitterness towards civilian and military leaders. They did not understand and believe in me.

But I was not the only one who suffered. My daughter suffered psychological trauma as well. Meanwhile, my wife, who had epilepsy, experienced more frequent episodes of epileptic attack. There was even a time when she had seizures while visiting me. Never had I felt so helpless in my entire life than that moment. I desperately wanted to put a spoon in her  mouth to protect her tongue. yet all i could do was scream for help as I watched her twist and convulse in agony. that day, I swore to myself that when the wheel of life would turn again, I would exact revenge on those who were responsible for our suffering.